This week, I conducted training for parents on communication and conflict resolution with teenagers. The parents in attendance wanted the same thing — healthy, happy and independent individuals. With our oldest, a senior in high school, I often wonder if I am doing my best as a parent.

Many times, employees struggle in the workplace because of the “baggage” they bring from home. One challenging aspect of home life is raising a teenager. Here are some ways to improve communication with your teen and foster a healthy lifetime relationship. Happy parents of teens are happier employees.

At the foundation of communication is trust. One way to build trust is through genuine understanding. To understand your teen, it helps to know what to expect at this stage of development. The “teen job description” below was developed by Magellan Behavioral Health and describes in their view what constitutes normal teen development.

Teenager wanted: Someone who will work to define their identity, transition into adulthood, ultimately achieve independence, make choices and accept responsibility, test limits, take risks, plan for the future and be able to deal with physical and emotional changes.

You can see that the average teenager has a lot going on in their life, just as we did when we were their age. We build trust by not telling our kids what to do. It’s hard not to when we have accumulated so much life experience.

As a mediator, I can attest to the fact that if you push a person they will only push back. It is more effective to ask questions and facilitate a discussion. By asking questions, people are more likely to listen to your perspective than if you tell it to them. Try saying, “It seems like _____; what do you think?” By doing this, we cultivate a person who has heightened awareness and is able to handle other situations when we are gone.

You also can foster better communication by being a good listener. The lines of communication will grow if we work hard to be listeners and not talkers with our kids. Parents have good intentions when they try to impart wisdom, but it often falls on deaf ears if their teen feels they aren’t listening. It’s wonderful listening to the ideas, experiences, and hopes and dreams of our kids. It’s not always easy when we’re trying to get a million things done. Rather than listening and multitasking, try making a concerted effort to turn off the television or put things aside so you can really be present and listen.

One of the most effective ways to build a relationship with your teen is to find opportunities when he or she is more likely to talk. My favorite times with my kids occur when I pick them up from school and at night just before they go to sleep. During those times, my kids seem to be full of stories and information and less likely to say “Nothing” when I ask them what they did that day. For my teenager, I like to go to his room and just relax while he’s playing on the computer or doing homework. He seems to be more forthcoming when I am quiet and he’s in an environment where he is comfortable.

In a sincere effort to keep the lines of communication open, it helps to avoid judgement when your children share shocking or surprising information. If the goal is to keep the lines of communication open, it’s best to appear non-judgemental. We want them to continue coming to us, so appearing critical and telling them what they should do will only alienate them. Try to understand what is going on and what help they need, if any.

Remember, you are human, and you are going to make mistakes. I have said to my teenage son many times, “I’m sorry I did not handle that well.” He is forgiving because he knows I am genuinely trying to do the best I can. Your teens will honor and respect you for your humility and your efforts, even if it’s not until they have teens of their own. I hope this helps to re-energize your parenting efforts so you can be more relaxed and productive at work.